Crossword puzzle clue "i'll climb on your kitchen countertop if it makes you feel alright"

"I'll climb on your kitchen countertop, if it makes you feel alright..."

Early and influential stand-up comedian Mort who said, "Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen" haha I feel that

Kitchen countertop color

"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe" speaker

What you feel when you forget your tix

Sounds you might make when I say "Would you rather watch your parents have sex or have your parents watch you have sex?"

"Alright, boys! And ___ and a two"

"The Kids ___ Alright"